A confrontation between an elderly woman and two mothers at a Sydney outdoor cafe has set off a wide-ranging public debate after one of the women involved described the incident on a podcast.
Lauren Treweek recounted the exchange on her show, Ready or Not, saying it occurred at around 7:15 a.m. one recent morning at a cafe that only offers outdoor seating. According to Treweek, a woman believed to be in her 70s ordered a takeaway coffee, sat down near her friend and another mother, and told them to “tell your kids to be f—ing quiet.”
Treweek said she did not believe the woman actually used profanity, but that she firmly told the mothers to control their children’s noise. One of the mothers, who had a newborn with her, responded, “I’m sorry, they’re kids.” Treweek’s friend then told the woman, “Get your takeaway coffee and go elsewhere, you vile woman.”
Treweek defended her friend’s response on the podcast, saying, “I thought, good on my friend for saying that because that is disgusting.” Her co-host, Lucinda McKimm, agreed, arguing the incident illustrates why “moms don’t feel welcome” in public spaces.
“It’s f—ing ridiculous. That just locks moms in their homes more. [If] anxious moms that already find it hard to get out have that experience, they don’t go to the cafe the next day – they stay at home and feel lonely,” McKimm said.
The story, however, split listeners once it spread online. Some commenters sided with the older woman, noting the early hour. “It’s 7:15 a.m. They do need to be quiet! People are still sleeping. Be respectful!” one person wrote. Another said cafes aren’t playgrounds and that children “should not have free rein to run around.”
Others backed the mothers, arguing families shouldn’t be made to feel unwelcome in public. “This whole thing of kids not being tolerated in public places where they are not even misbehaving is absurd,” one father commented. Supporters also argued people are “entitled to a child free life, not a child free world.”
One of the mothers involved later responded directly to the debate in the comments, clarifying the setting of the incident. She said the children had been “playing outdoors around a big tree with a built-in seat that’s part of a big outdoor setting for multiple businesses,” adding that the kids “were being kids in a public area” and that people “needs to relax.”
An etiquette expert weighs in
Sydney-based etiquette expert Kate Heussler, a mother of one, told news.com.au the reaction to the story reflected a genuine divide in expectations. She said there’s a meaningful difference between children behaving in a developmentally normal way and children actually disrupting others nearby.
“A cafe is not a playground; it’s a shared social environment where people often gather,” Heussler said, adding that excited chatting, laughter or occasional loud noise from children—or a newborn crying—would be reasonable in her view.
“Young children are still developing emotional regulation, impulse control and social awareness. We can’t reasonably expect them to behave like miniature adults when, if we’re being completely honest, a lot of adults fail to do that themselves,” she said.
At the same time, Heussler said parents carry responsibility for supervision. If children were running between tables, interfering with other customers or creating a hazard, she said that would cross a line, and parents should be expected to “redirect inappropriate behavior and be considerate of those around them.”
She also suggested the older woman had better options than confronting the mothers directly, such as speaking to cafe staff or raising concerns politely. On the mothers’ retort, Heussler said she understood the instinct to defend oneself against an aggressive stranger, but noted neither side handled the moment well.
“Though it appears as if the exchange descended into a shouting match, neither adult was demonstrating particularly good etiquette. You can establish a firm boundary without escalating a confrontation, especially when children are watching,” Heussler said.
She added that etiquette ultimately requires consideration in both directions: children deserve age-appropriate patience, parents are responsible for supervising them, and other adults should raise concerns respectfully rather than confrontationally.
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