Dear Abby Tackles a Self-Absorbed Mother-in-Law and a Sibling Rift Over a Father’s Death

In her latest syndicated column, advice columnist Abigail Van Buren addressed two readers grappling with strained family relationships — one involving a mother-in-law accused of ignoring her grandchildren, the other a sister who learned of their father’s death through social media.

The first letter came from a woman who signed herself “Frustrated Daughter-in-Law.” She wrote that she has kept her distance from her mother-in-law of 30 years to preserve her own sanity, describing her as someone who redirects every conversation back to herself, even around topics unrelated to what was originally said. The reader said this pattern is especially frustrating when the mother-in-law is around her adult grandchildren, whom she never asks about and to whom she rarely offers warmth. Instead, the woman said, her mother-in-law talks at length about unrelated people in her own life, ignoring reminders that the family doesn’t know who she’s referring to.

The letter writer said she has tried for years to steer conversations in a better direction without success, and that she now limits how much time her children spend with their grandmother because the visits leave them annoyed and disappointed — a decision that has caused friction with her husband.

Abby’s response was blunt: after three decades of the same behavior, the mother-in-law is unlikely to change. She told the reader that if her husband is upset by the children’s reluctance to spend time with their grandmother, that’s simply the natural result of the grandmother’s own lack of interest in them over the years.

A sister, a will, and old wounds

The second letter, from a reader identified as “Young Executor,” described a sibling relationship marked by typical childhood squabbles that softened somewhat in adulthood — until the reader’s father died. Rather than getting a phone call, the reader learned of their father’s death through social media, an experience described as deeply hurtful and anger-inducing. Though the reader told the sister how much this hurt, they wrote that they still haven’t been able to move past it.

Now the reader’s mother is in poor health, and the letter writer has been named executor of her will and trustee of any assets set to go to the older sister — raising fears that old wounds could resurface during estate matters.

Abby offered sympathy for the mother’s declining health and acknowledged the weight of serving as executor. She advised the reader to approach the responsibility with humility, focus on carrying out duties objectively and diligently rather than dwelling on past hurt, and to consult a probate lawyer if the estate is substantial and the sister is unhappy with its terms — a step Abby said could help keep the process from becoming personal.